A recent Saturday Night Live intern told me about her experience working at Saturday Night Live with Andy Samberg. Every day at SNL he told her to, “Fuck off and die.” He was probably kidding. We hope.

This one is for you, Andy.

Love, Cole

The Andy Samberg Song by Cole Quirk (to the tune of Cee Lo “Fuck You”)

You see me walkin down the halls of 8H
You tell me
Fuck you

I guess the coffee that I brought you wasn’t strong enough
Cause you said
Fuck you and
Go die too

See if I was smarter
I’d be a writer
First I gotta graduate (gotta graduate)

All I can muster to say is
Have a nice day
When you say
Fuck you

See I’m sorry
You’re probably joking
But that don’t mean it don’t hurt sometimes

Cause I’m just an intern
I can make you some copies
Or even stand in a shot or too

I pitty the girl
Who comes after me cause
You’ll tell her to die and
She’ll probably cry and

Andy
I’ve got some news for you
Be nice cause I’m gunna write your jokes one day

You see me walkin down the halls of 8H
You tell me
Fuck you

I guess the coffee that I brought you wasn’t strong enough
Cause you said
Fuck you and
Go die too

See if I was smarter
I’d be a writer
First I gotta graduate (gotta graduate)

All I can muster to say is
Have a nice day
When you say
Fuck you

Now I know I’ve had to grovel
Beg and plead to help your Digital Short
Trying to show ya, I adore ya
Lonely Island’s got my full support

But, I pitty the girl
Who comes after me cause
You’ll tell her to die and
She’ll probably cry and

Andy
I’ve got some news for you
Ugh it’s hard to hate your cute face right now

You see me walkin down the halls of 8H
You tell me
Fuck You

I guess the coffee that I brought you wasn’t strong enough
Cause you said
Fuck you and
Go die too

See if I was smarter
I’d be a writer
First I gotta graduate (gotta graduate)

All I can muster to say is
Have a nice day
When you say
Fuck you

Now Andy, Andy, Andy, why d’you wanna hurt me so bad? (so bad, so bad, so bad)
Please don’t yell at me because
Your script is missing a brad (a brad, a brad, a brad)
Uh! Why? Uh! Why? Uh!
Why Andy? Oh! I love you
I still love you! Ohhhhh

You see me walkin down the halls of 8H
You tell me
Fuck you

I guess the coffee that I brought you wasn’t strong enough
Cause you said
Fuck you and
Go die too

See if I was smarter
I’d be a writer
First I gotta graduate (gotta graduate)

All I can muster to say is
Have a nice day
When you say
Fuck you.